Friendship breakup :: A personal dilemna

It's a simple text that I can't respond to immediately. But for her it's an emergency, earth shattering, life changing. She see's my delay as a personal and maybe permanent rejection. So, she ratchets up and calls (all my numbers), texts (IN ALL CAPS) with lots of !!!! asking "Are you ok?" "I'm getting worried." "You haven't replied to me."

Yes, I'm ok. I just didn't feel like engaging you, had other things on my mind, busy running a business, occupied with my children, handling the duties of my home, etc. Bottom-line truth, I just didn't feel like talking.....to HER, the life sucker, the energy drainer, the anxiety bringer....HER.

She's nice, kind, polite, friendly but our lives are very different and understanding the wonderful intensity of mine is beyond her ability to comprehend, relate or empathize. I need distance, lots of it. If we never talk again, I'd be ok. Wouldn't miss her.....one bit. I may call or run into her every couple of years and the high level catch up would be nice. If she's facing a crisis, I won't let her crumble.....I'll be human.

But I know that I cannot be everyday friends with people who don't get my life. I need friends with deep, intricate and busy lives. People with things to do....who value a good catch up conversation. People who understand that sometimes, we can have a good conversation end b/c a child needs attention or you've just made it to work. People who don't need answers to everything....who can live with the unanswered. I need friends who know to come when I holler, then go back to fulfilling their own amazing dreams. I need people who don't take 2 hours to warm up....but give you the important, juicy life details in the first 10 minutes of the conversation. Friends who don't keep important secrets. Friends who can handle important secrets.

I've found that people who don't meet the above criteria tend to cause anxiety for me and for them. My lack of  'shooting the breeze' comes across as insensitive and uncaring, when the reality is that I'm busy and when I'm not busy, I'm decompressing. I have more sh!t to do than I have time or brain space to process it all. I love it. It's the reality of my life. It's my excitement. It's me doing all the things that I love at the same time. People who are not in the same boat are incompatible, at this time.

Friends like that need a divorce or at least a separation. Friendship divorce sucks especially when there's no huge deal-breaker, issue or argument. So, I did what any normal person would do.....I asked my facebook friends for advice....and I googled "How to divorce a friend." I got great advice and found this article, this article and this article. All were helpful. The one thing I know is that a 'hint around' method isn't going to work. My personality is not confrontational. A kind, firm and direct approach is absolutely necessary and perhaps that's exactly what I need to bring my Smart.Bold.Passionate alter ego to the surface.

Wish me luck.